Fitting in

You don't want a million answers as much as you want a few forever questions. The questions are diamonds you hold in the light. Study a lifetime and you see different colors from the same jewel. Richard Bach

How do I relate to others (and to myself) when they do not meet my expectations? An interesting question, and I think another clue to how I felt at Quarterly meeting (keeps coming back... must still be a lesson to learn therein).

I recently learned that some others at that meeting (the people who I feel mostly hold opinions similar to mine) also held a certain level of discomfort. Knowing this instantly made me feel "better" - but why? Because I needed confirmation that my reactions were acceptable, normal, and to be expected.

This then led to more discomfort for me. In how many situations do I not have the ability to simply sit back and listen, without judgement, to what my inner voice is telling me? And isn't that what the Quaker path is all about? Would I have been less likely to feel "okay" with my reactions if I knew that they were solely mine?

I've been doing a lot of reading lately about chronic illness, and how those who get along with their disease the most successfully are those who seem to create a system, treatment regimen, health and lifestyle that works for them as individuals. Not at the expense of others around them - but in consort with the rest of their lives. A substantial complaint I hear from people who are moderately afflicted or disabled is their inability to feel "normal" and react with the world and community as they are expected to. We all seem to have a natural need to make ourselves "fit" into the existence our peers and community have planned for us.

This seems to be a recurring theme for me in many areas of my life. What do I love most about teaching? It's the ability to provide a safe space for learning within the four walls of my classroom. To create a space where kids can grow and explore and be who they are without the added discomfort of "fitting in". Helping them to acknowledge who they are as individuals, and modeling for them how to treat others who may be unlike them as people of value too.

Perhaps all I really wanted in that Quarterly meeting was to know I was in a space where I felt as safe as I hope those kids do within my classroom. Emotionally safe, intellectually safe. And I already feel that way within Amesbury meeting. It just sort of happened, without warning, and although I am at a loss for words to explain it, I treasure the fact that I don't have to - and I can just sit within it and feel peace.

I'd like to feel that peace within other meetings too. And this does not mean agreeing with everything (or anything!) that is said, but rather in holding a trust and faith in the group's ability to hold conflict in a way that supports and enlighten us all into new meanings. I still think a piece of this, for me, is getting to know these people called Quakers from different walks of life more personally. When "them" has the opportunity to become "we", even with conflict, we may just build greater relationships that allow us all to listen and act upon our own inner teachings.