returning...

This week's vacation was blessed on many levels - and I am sure to share moments here. A surprisingly difficult task, however, was slipping back into "real life" here at home. While on vacation, I was fortunate to have free fun time with my family, time to walk and rise early and read and learn new things. All which I am also, luckily, able to do for the most part at home. However, I arrived home with reminders of the life I had laid aside for the week. Commitments I had made, scheduling conflicts that I was asked to solve, the usual.

This arrival home left me in tears last evening. I think after a while year, I was finally able to taste a bit of that "jubilee"moment - the time for laying aside of all things, to hear what we are called to do again with fresh ears.

I spent the week in Newtown, home of Edward Hicks, who had some trouble discerning his calling in his early life. Hicks had a talent for painting, but that was considered "unacceptable" in the ornamental style of the day, not a profession for a devout Quaker. And yet, once Hicks was able to hear his call, he was able to use his talents to express his ministry in the way he could be best used.

I'm okay with being a member of committees, doing my part to help the meeting here at home, and all of that. But the spiritual dimension of my current growth, the reason in part I spent time in Newtown and Philadelphia, is getting pushed aside. My tears of frustration upon returning were caused by the notion I might lose what I had just worked so hard to discover.

I feel urged, especially this week through the writings of early Friends, to take time, to sit with concerns as they arise, and to consider and be aware of new openings. When my life is cluttered with too much to do, I can no longer hear any inner promptings. I have been struggling to find a way to define my confusion, but it now seems quite clear to me. Rest and deeper time of listening is what I experienced this week. I feel the need to clearly resolve not to let that process fade away, and to clear my schedule and my heart of all the unimportant clutter.

A number of well-meaning members of my meeting have expressed concern for my level of commitment. They have gently reminded me not to take on too much. I am hoping this indicates that they will be okay with my laying down of many future commitments. My first calling right now seems to be the fellowship and worship in my own meeting, and in certain others. I am going to try to stay true to that call as it (hopefully) appears.