Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Clearness?

"Your job is to find what the world is trying to be." - William Stafford

I'm doing a lot of musing on a F/friend's blog post today about how she feels God speaks to her in a very direct way. Today was a very different Hampton Beach from yesterday. The skies were clear, and I felt as if I could see for miles.

I did not, however, feel on the inside any better than yesterday morning - I still felt lost in a fog, not the fog of unknowing or wonderment or forgetting (gracious we have many kinds of fog!). Just the simple fog of confusion, which muddles my process, leads me away from peace and leadings, and creates fear that is unwarranted and toxic.

This is the part where the bargaining with Spirit always begins for me. "If I could only glimpse one moment, be given one small step with which to proceed on the path...". This is also where the great sages and mystics of the Universe have also gotten stuck. Often. Somedays I am gracefully kicked back to "beginning mind" - or more often, I spend a little time wallowing.

Today I opened Stafford's book (which is always in my glovebox) and his words spoke to me, in a clear directive....

"Your job is to find what the world is trying to be."

The world, for today, is my Quaker Meeting. For there is where I feel so often that we collapse into a lack of Spirit, a lack of intent, an elimination of prayerful space. This week I have been hit with "nudges" - simple but profound signs (and interactions with others) that we are wanting to go deeper, to experience each other and Spirit in community. For me, the community is always involved. That's the hardest part - I'm a really a pretty good solitary spirit - involve others and I get cranky and trapped in assumptions. Repeatedly.

I have no idea what is in store next. Which is most likely exactly where I need to be in order for anything to happen!

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